A‘ŪDHU BILLĀHI MINASH-SHAYṬĀNIR-RAJĪM.

BISMILLĀHIR-RAḤMĀNIR-RAḤĪM

SALĀMUN ‘ALAYKUM WA RAḤMATULLĀHI WA BARAKĀTUH!

At the outset, I would like to extend our courtesies to Their Royal Highness, the two Sultans of the Royal Sultanate of Sulu who bless this occasion with their royal presence, our distinguished ustādh here, Ustādh Datu Norhassan Bahjin, other members of the royalty, dignitaries, sponsors, guests, ladies and gentlemen.

[This time I would like to talk not from a theoretical platform but rather from a practical perspective; not for being a master of the craft (marriage), but rather for having experienced it. As the saying goes, “Experience is the best teacher.”]

My message to both of you are just three, the same [number] during the ‘nikkah’ (wedding ceremony) in Cotabato City. As you remember, our message was TEA – T, E, and A (https://www.facebook.com/share/p/19TZQyGEnz).

Now, we have LANGUAGE, HAT, and TRAVEL.

1. Language

The first thing is about Language that I would like to talk about. As we all know, we are told, especially when we go to a marriage counselor, we are introduced to what we call ‘The 5 Languages of Love’ by Dr. Gary Chapman (1992, https://amzn.to/3YP7IAB). And we are even told, or we are given the test so as to identify the ‘love language’ of the other one, meaning our partner. And for those who forgot it, the clue for these 5 languages is just GATTS.

G – Receiving GIFTS

A – Words of AFFIRMATION

T – Quality TIME

T – Physical TOUCH

S – Acts of SERVICE

And we are told that we have to identify the love language of our partner. And the ladies would also say the same. Atty. Farhad, if Atty. Fatmah would tell you, “My love language is only this or that,” my piece of advice is: Don’t believe in her! Neither would you believe in the marriage counselor to identify just one or two of the love languages because usually women tend to love all those 5 languages of love all together. And as you go along in life, you will also realize that they would demand another love language, and that love language is what we call ‘GATTS day in and day out’, meaning GATSS again, and again, and again.

So, that is the first one.

2. Hat

The second message is about the ‘ayah’ (verse) recited also by Ustadh Norhassan, which can be found in chapter 4, verse 34 of the Qur’an, beginning with AR-RIJĀLU QAWWĀMŪNA ‘ALA’N-NISĀ’ up to the end of the verse – that “Men are the protectors and guardians of women”.

In addition to this one, there is another phrase there, describing the characteristics of a righteous wife, and another term there that is used is AṢ-ṢĀLIḤATU QĀNITĀT. QĀNITĀT means ‘devoutly obedient’.

And the other term that is mentioned there is NUSHŪZAHUNNA – that there is the tendency for the wife to become NUSHŪZAHUNNA. NUSHŪZAHUNNA is from the [Arabic] root word NA-SHA-ZA, which means the tendency to become elevated or feeling elevated, the tendency to be arrogant, or the tendency to feel that she is above you.

So, reflecting on this verse, our advice is: Learn when to put on and take off your HAT. What do I mean by this? As you see, in the modern world, especially in the academe and in the government, we are always obsessed with twin snakes on both sides of our names. What are those snakes on both sides of our names? Dr., Atty., Eng’r. and at the end are SCL, PhD, etc., etc.

Always remember that these small letters could become specks of atom of arrogance (‘kibr’), which would lead us to perdition. No person with an atom of KIBR or arrogance could go to JANNAH (paradise). My point here is that, you see, one is ‘Atty.’ and the other one is ‘Atty.’ and then ‘CPA’. If you, Fatmah, are a director in an office, as soon as you enter the house, you have to learn how to take off your ‘hat’ and to put on the other ‘hat’ of being the spouse. Don’t ever play with the ego of the man. Remember the beginning of that ‘ayah’ – AR-RIJĀLU QAWWĀMŪNA ‘ALA’N-NISĀ’.

So, that is the second message.

3. TRAVEL

The third message is about TRAVEL.

Every time we look at the picture of a newlywed couple, what can we see? The newlywed couple – they are looking at each other eye to eye because our conclusion is that to be in love is to look at each other eye to eye. And we beg to disagree. We beg to disagree. That would be correct if the other person is your destiny or your goal. That’s why you are looking at him/her. Your goal or your destiny is already there [in front of you].

But if we look at the greater scheme of things, we will realize that your partner is just your co-traveler in travelling toward your destiny. And to make it clearer, let us take the parable of the Earth and the Moon in relation to the Sun. You must be the Moon to your partner, which is the Earth, meaning that you’re revolving around it, and at the same time, you the Moon and the Earth are revolving around the Sun. And that Sun of yours is no other than the Ultimate Beloved; that is your Real ‘Maḥbūb’ (Object of Love). Therefore, you are co-travelers, and since you are co-travelers, to be in love is not to look at each other eye to eye; rather, to look in the same direction. And that is what we call in Islamic tradition as ‘SAYR WA SULŪK’, meaning ‘Spiritual Wayfaring’.

And this ‘Spiritual Wayfaring’ is something that is not alien to the tradition of the Tausug. Although the popular theory on the origin of the word ‘Tausug’ is ‘People of the Current,’ an emerging theory is that ‘sūg’ (in ‘Tausug’) is referring to ‘Ahl-i Sulūk’, meaning ‘People who are engaging in Spiritual Wayfaring’. And this one could also be connected to the five or four qualities of the Sultan in the Royal Sultanate of Sulu. We have the BANGSAWAN (nobility), we have the HARTAWAN (financial ability), we have the RAFAWAN (charisma), we have the HARIMAWAN (bravery), and the fifth one is what we call ‘ILMAWAN’ (knowledge and wisdom). And this last one is what they call ‘ILMU KAMAASAN’ (the knowledge of the old folks) and the essence of this knowledge of the old folks is nothing but ‘Spiritual Wayfaring’.

With that, we would like to congratulate again the newlywed couple, WA’S-SALĀMU ‘ALAYKUM WA RAḤMATULLĀHI WA BARAKĀTUH!